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re: apartment, room, suv... etc m4w
hi jealous little girl,
i won't ask you to confess you wrote it, but after reading the post it sure sounds like it could be you. and if so, you would understand the obvious reasons why the title threw me off, so i never even read it until now, when my piece of it caught my attention and made me curious enough to open it... am just glad you somehow knew the best of "them" would be the one who actually read it haha
anyhow, that real love you're so jealous about little girl has always been yours for the taking and you know it... the thing is, you have to be willing to give it with the same level of intensity, commitment, and even risk, if you want to receive it. we both know who you belong with, and it's not even a close race for second but something inside you just won't let you go there... and my best guess is you don't even know what that something is. i just hope that someday, you'll want it enough to look inside yourself and figure it all out... and that maybe then you'll be able to share it with me.
maybe i let you down when my silly pride wouldn't let me explain all that was going on in my life back then ? or maybe you misread things and thought i wasn't being real or honest ? or maybe you're afraid of real love because you know how painful it can be if it doesn't work out ? or maybe you're afraid you can't live up to the commitment involved, so rather than risk being responsible for hurting me it's easier to avoid me altogether ? or maybe you think if you just stand still long enough, some kind of risk-free, uncomplicated, love will magiy find you (another way of avoiding responsibility for the outcome) ? or maybe you have some kind of a sympathy complex that makes you feel guilty about daring to be happier and more content with real love than what you see around you or what you saw growing up ? or maybe something inside you has you convinced that you just don't deserve that kind of happiness, so it keeps you looking over your shoulder and makes you incapable of enjoying real love ? or maybe it's all of the above ?
i don't know the answer, i just know that whatever it is, it let's you give too much of yourself to the wrong guys for what little they give you in return, and nothing to the one guy that thinks you deserve real love and real happiness and, despite so many obstacles and complications, somehow found a way to reach in and touch your heart, once upon a time. and i know that real love involves real risks and real complications, and sometimes real pain... but when it gets right down to it, would it really be worth it if it didn't ? because the only other thing i know from loving you the way i do, is that in spite of all the risks, and complications, and pain... i wouldn't trade these real feelings for anything... or anyone else.
so don't be sad or jealous because, yeah, someone really does love you just that way... and someone wants you to be the most important and only person he kisses goodbye, just to get to kiss you hello again soon after... and someone would never not walk you to "our" door, and someone wants to hold you in his arms every night so you never have to sleep alone ever again... but i guess the real question is when are you going to let me drown in your eyes and kiss your mouth again... and when are you going to let me fill that empty spot... so we can both quit the high five scene forever ? <3 <3 <3
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