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Trainwreck m4w I saw you at the company party. We caught each others eyes for a split second. It hurt know that I could not approach you and ask you how you are.
But I already know the answer. You are still a trainwreck.
Less than thirty seconds after we saw each other, I turned and you were gone and never returned...and it was still early. They hadn't even served salad yet!
I wonder, did you leave because of me? Or because you were long past tipsy?
It's been a year since I have seen you and longer since we have talked.
Do you still hate me? I wish I knew what I did to make you go away.
Those who know us both tell me I am lucky you pushed me away.
Sad thing is, I know they are right.
Even though our eyes caught each other for less than a moment, your eyes said so much.
You looked as though you wanted to take everything back, make it all better, tell me you threw away the best thing that ever happened to you.
You looked like you were pleading for me to fix everything, your self destruction, your downward spiralling life, your addiction.
All the things I tried to do for you months and months ago...but you pushed me away.
I am sorry I tried to fix you. That implies that you are broken. And you are. So am I.
You will never see this. You and I will never talk again like we used to. You will never ask for help...from anyone.
Please get better. You are so much bigger than this. Don't destroy yourself.
I miss you and not that long ago I would have done anything for you. But I can't.
You won't let me and I can't let you destroy me again. I almost didn't survive you.
Let go of the things that are literally killing you. I want you happy and healthy even if you are not with me.
Don't think that my eyes said "I still hate you for how you treated me." or "I don't care anymore."
I still give a crap. But I can't fix you. That is your job.
Please get to work.
I hope you know that I miss my friend...my beautiful trainwreck.

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